Redeemed Healing

To the unique girl in the picture;

   I wish you loved yourself. I wish you loved yourself like you love others. Can you imagine a world where you saw yourself as the people you loved? This is us. You put me on to cover your tears, tears caused by the boys in elementary school who called you fat. Tears caused by the shameful looks you got, being an overweight 11 year old. But, something we thought was temporary, quickly became a lot more permanent. Over the years the emotions have started to bleed through this mask. This mask, you and me together,has become so normal that you have adapted a new mask. One that you shamefully put over me, because the strength to take me off was just..lacking. We have been through a lot over your 17 years, but as you have grown to love me, or this mask, I have grown to hate you. Something you originally compiled from all you  wanted to be: The friend, The sister, The "mom". Things you have deep inside, but only show the best of them to the world.

   The friend quickly became hard to manage, never being anything more to people, or guys. You grew feelings, but the friendship was always to great, so they were shoved aside.

   The sister soon became a girl who anyone could talk to, but you always allowed our feelings, and everything going on in our life to be put aside, because we cared so deeply for our "siblings".

   And the mother, one we know well. The one that finally broke down and allowed you to seek treatment.

   All these beautiful and strong women you portray, but you never admit to the beauty.

I want you to move on, without me. 

I want to let you love yourself, 

without me.

You don't need me.

Let the lord love you.

I am not the beauty in us.

You, are the beauty in you.

  

I am not attention or pity seeking. I am just no longer wearing a mask. I have been in treatment for 5 weeks for an overeating/binge eating disorder.(I wrote the letter above to myself on a day in treatment where we were talking about the masks we wear.) The lord is and will continue to be my strength through this process. This is just another chapter I have to get through. But something I know I am going through for a reason. I just urge everyone to seek beauty this year. Beauty in all shapes and sizes, places and people. 

Please, please remember. You, are the beauty in you.

Cheers to a beautiful and transformational year,

Marley.