Redeemed Healing

To the unique girl in the picture;

   I wish you loved yourself. I wish you loved yourself like you love others. Can you imagine a world where you saw yourself as the people you loved? This is us. You put me on to cover your tears, tears caused by the boys in elementary school who called you fat. Tears caused by the shameful looks you got, being an overweight 11 year old. But, something we thought was temporary, quickly became a lot more permanent. Over the years the emotions have started to bleed through this mask. This mask, you and me together,has become so normal that you have adapted a new mask. One that you shamefully put over me, because the strength to take me off was just..lacking. We have been through a lot over your 17 years, but as you have grown to love me, or this mask, I have grown to hate you. Something you originally compiled from all you  wanted to be: The friend, The sister, The "mom". Things you have deep inside, but only show the best of them to the world.

   The friend quickly became hard to manage, never being anything more to people, or guys. You grew feelings, but the friendship was always to great, so they were shoved aside.

   The sister soon became a girl who anyone could talk to, but you always allowed our feelings, and everything going on in our life to be put aside, because we cared so deeply for our "siblings".

   And the mother, one we know well. The one that finally broke down and allowed you to seek treatment.

   All these beautiful and strong women you portray, but you never admit to the beauty.

I want you to move on, without me. 

I want to let you love yourself, 

without me.

You don't need me.

Let the lord love you.

I am not the beauty in us.

You, are the beauty in you.

  

I am not attention or pity seeking. I am just no longer wearing a mask. I have been in treatment for 5 weeks for an overeating/binge eating disorder.(I wrote the letter above to myself on a day in treatment where we were talking about the masks we wear.) The lord is and will continue to be my strength through this process. This is just another chapter I have to get through. But something I know I am going through for a reason. I just urge everyone to seek beauty this year. Beauty in all shapes and sizes, places and people. 

Please, please remember. You, are the beauty in you.

Cheers to a beautiful and transformational year,

Marley.

  

  

  

"There is a tide in the affairs of men.

Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;

Omitted, all the voyage of their life

Is bound in shallows and in miseries.

On such a full sea are we now afloat,

And we must take the current when it serves,

Or lose our ventures."

Julius Caesar Act 4, scene 3

    This famous line from the writing of Shakespeare is usually referenced to seizing life, or the oh-so-famous term "carpe diem." The sense with I am going to relate it to is a life with or without Christ.

     I shall first clarify the quote for the ones reading this who loathe Shakespeare. But for the people who love it, like myself, bare with me. This quote is said by Brutus, in conversation with Cassius, about the ending of their civil war. They are trying to decipher which way to go about it. Cassius is saying that they stake their land, regroup,and take a breather. While Brutus, a fighter, says why not now? The army will only grow by day, so today, lets conquer. Today, lets take the bull by the horns and defeat.

So, how does this relate to our daily walks with Christ? Let me start with the first line. "There is a tide in the affairs of men." When you think of a tide is it something bad or good? Strong or harmful? With or without purpose? I take this as a tide, a reoccurring unbelievably strong force in which comes so often it must have reasoning. And the affairs of men, is the daily life of men. Or the daily happenings. This followed by the next line:"Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune." This one is pretty self explanatory. Still, i need to relate this to our daily walk. A verse from Psalm:

Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreath; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath. Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro: He bustles about, but only in vain; he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it. 
- Psalm 39:4-6

 This particular passage really shows the shortness of our life here on earth, that we have to live each day for him. "each man's life is but a breath." Wow, who needs Shakespeare when you have Jesus Christ? The lord put us on this earth for a reason. I believe we all  have a purpose, that we are not made to just sit around and watch the tide come in, because, it is a constant. In this aspect the lord is the tide. The lord is our constant. always there. and always wanting us to take hold of him, and be his fruit bearing children like he created us to be!

    "Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that sinful nature desires"- Romans 8:5

People who don't take the tide as it comes, the lord and his love, continues to live a meaningless life. BUT the continue to think that their life is just wonderful without him. "Omitted, all the voyage of their life, Is bound in shallows and in miseries." If you do not live your life with a heart for the lord, it will be shallow and miserable. That is why the tide continues to come in. Everyday, moment, and second. 

Everywhere in the bible, it describes the Lord's love as abundant, overwhelming, and overflowing! "On such a full sea we are now afloat." If we choose to give over the sails to the lord, we will be on a smooth riding sea.

"And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."- Romans 5:5

"and we must take the current when it serves, and lose our ventures."

THIS! Right here people! Although it is Shakespeare writing it, it still means the same thing! Take the love, worship the lord. We need to stop living for ourselves, "lose our ventures", and start taking the current when it comes, and serve the lord. 

So however you want to say it:

CARPE DIEM!

SEIZE THE DAY!
TAKE THE TIDE!

Step out in faith, grab the tide, and start living for the lord in an EXTRAORDINARY way!

In him.

Marley